So many of us are in a rush, to do, to get 'somewhere'. We run ahead of ourselves, unable to be here fully now and trust in life's process and timing. The feeling that something is 'wrong' and why haven't I got 'there' yet. But where is 'there' when there is only the here and now of this moment? What if we were to put down our bags, rest and be here now fully present with what 'Is'?
Can we be courageous enough to Be, to trust in the process of Life. To know we are ever-evolving as Love, that Life itself is the Guru, the satsang, the teacher?
I know it sounds cliche, but we are exactly where we are meant to be. What is happening in life is not personal. Nothing is happening to you, it's happening in You, as Consciousness. There is no person 'waking up' in each one, rather Consciousness is awakening through it's forms. To put it simply, there is Reality and there is fantasy... Reality is what is here and fantasy is what the mind thinks about it! So, the invitation to freedom is to rest in the Reality of this moment.
To stop however is to feel. It is to feel whatever it is we may be avoiding in the running ahead of ourselves, to some future moment, dream, desire.... the 'all will be ok when I get there' fantasy. Rarely are we present with what Is. The thinking mind is usually running towards something in the wanting or pulling away from it in fear.
I remember some years ago feel utterly exhausted and the words coming like a call to God, 'can I just stop now?' I had been on the spiritual path for years, the longing to come home was deep, though somehow I felt it was all up to me. I had always known that I was here to serve, but I just thought 'I' had to do it. That I was responsible for moving my life, rather than life moving me. With grace, this was seen (what a relief!), the 'doer' was collapsed and gradually this misunderstanding dissolves more and more in Love, but I sometimes still find myself in doubt, questioning the manifestation....
What I am doing? Am I on the 'right' path? Why does not life look how I’d like it to? It helpful to know that this doubt comes to confirm me in my knowing. The deeper knowing is that Life is perfectly scripted for my evolution. That I must meet whatever the experience of discomfort here and the doubts and questions, life's ‘wobbles’, are coming to work me out of those beliefs, to bring me Home. This is the necessary 'cooking', where Love burns the layers of misunderstanding in our system. Our responsibility is to allow it, feel it and embrace it, rather than avoid these uncomfortable moments - the confusion, the difficulty, the worries, the pain... whatever it may be.
We have layers within our layers; each will open and be revealed when ready, like a flower opening to the warmth and light of the sun in alignment with nature’s cycles. We must be willing to allow the flower of awakening to reveal itself in Love’s timing.
May we open and blossom as the unique, beautiful flowers we are and emit our sweet fragrance.
Deep love to you friends xxx
'A tree that does not dance with the wind is a tree that snaps. The strength of the true arrow lies in its capacity to give itself to the 'wobble', to the curve of the feminine. What a birth-day it is when the duo are in divine marriage within.' Sri Saraswathi Ma
I am writing from the ashes. Over the past week I have been burning in the fire...literally! I had an unusually busy week, the week before last, my cycle shifted gear and I bled early, on day 1 of a doula course I was attending in London. Unable to stop, surrender, rest and receive during the winter of my cycle and after experiencing much emotion during the course, I was exhausted; I returned home spent. I had a friend coming to stay so life’s fullness continued. This body speaks quickly. Within hours the burn of cystitis arose, lasted for a few days, which led to a kidney infection that had me in bed with a fever for 2 days. Uncomfortable, yes, but a necessary cleansing process; clearly waking me up to an aspect of my Self that wanted my attention; an aspect that is ready to go under the microscope, ready to be examined. There is no such thing as illness, only consciousness speaking. So, as I emerge from the ‘burning’ phase, I have been enquiring and listening deeply as to what Love wants to communicate.
I can see clearly now that resistance was speaking; a fight, an opposition, a refusal or inability to accept something in life. This is, in effect, the creation of an inner war, resisting what Is, which of course creates friction and tension. Coincidentally, I broke the flushing mechanism of my toilet a few days before the cystitis began in a fight with the tight fitting lid of the toilet! How beautifully and precisely consciousness speaks; and what wisdom is received when we are able to slow down and listen. :)
So, I am sitting with ‘resistance’, diving into it as I meditate. The words ‘resistance is futile, you will be assimilated’ pop into my head, a blast from the past; the Borg from Star Trek offering me their wisdom. Could there be some Truth in their words? Yes, of course; Love speaks in so many ways. The invitation here, to surrender. There is no use in fighting. Resistance is showing up, ready to be investigated, absorbed and integrated into Love.
When we think of surrender, we think of letting go. Are they one and the same? Well, perhaps a little. For me, surrender is deeper; it is a giving of my Self fully; an inward dropping, offering, bowing down to the Love that I am. Ultimately, we must all discover what it is to surrender; it is an inner experience that cannot be fully described with words.
It is one thing surrendering to bliss or joy or any other pleasurable experience, but how do I surrender to resistance?
Although it feels like a contradiction in terms, I am willing to dive in and see, so I offer myself to it; I drop into the feeling, the sensation, and ultimately, the discomfort. Immediately, there is a contraction, an aversion to the resistance; my right shoulder contracts and I notice the mind creates a distraction; a technique to avoid fully feeling the energy.
Before I distract myself entirely, the question comes, ‘why am I resisting this’? The clear message - because it is uncomfortable and because the mind is judging it to be wrong or not ok somehow. The thinking mind is divisive, it is always separating; like/dislike, comfortable/uncomfortable, good/bad, right/wrong... This is the position of the mind, its job is to categorise, to order, to separate. In Truth, in Love, however, there is no division, no separation, no duality. And since I am That, I cannot separate resistance from myself; it’s all me.
So where to go when there is resistance to feeling resistance (or any other uncomfortable feeling)?
As I continue to allow everything that arises, without expectation, viewing the resistance from the eyes of compassion, slowly, the layers of misunderstanding dissolve back into Love. The resistance begins to be seen as energy or sensation arising in the Stillness and Peace that I am, not separate from, or an obstruction to Truth. This does not happen overnight, nor does resistance disappear overnight. It is a process. It has taken lifetimes to build up the dense layers of misunderstanding, so who knows how long it will take to dissolve all the layers? And more importantly, who is the one who minds? Only the mind minds! We have layers within our layers; each will open and be revealed when ready, like a flower opening to the warmth and light of the sun in alignment with nature’s cycles. We must be willing to allow the flower of awakening to reveal itself in Love’s timing.
No matter what the experience, I am eternally grateful to feel and allow the fullness of experience as it arises; knowing that it is all bringing me Home. It is a moment to moment offering of my Self to the fullness of Love moving through me; opening to a deep intimacy with Life. Is it easy? No. Does the mind have tactics to avoid this? Yes. Is it worth the investigation? Absolutely! Why? For what we resist, persists!
Resistance and turmoil arises when we have forgotten our True Nature. If there is an inner war, there is also an outer war. Turmoil in the world arises out of turmoil in the thinking mind; it is an external expression of misunderstanding. The thinking mind is the Collective Mind. We cannot separate them; there is only One Mind of Consciousness. Therefore, it is our responsibility to purify the thinking mind; to give attention to what is arising, to see the misunderstandings, to be willing to face the personal Self whilst looking from the eyes of Love, right here and now. It is a continual ‘yes’ to Love, to Truth. We must be honest with ourselves, we must be in integrity; to be in integrity is to be heart-centred. We must allow every-thing, without denial or negation. Peace and freedom begins here, within us. As within, so without.
So, the invitation is to tenderly and fully meet with Awareness every experience that life brings and surrender to it. In this surrender, there is a ‘Great Undoing’, the gradual undoing of all the ‘knots’ of misunderstanding in the rope of Existence.
To embrace the light and dark, the emptiness and fullness, the totality of what it is to be human; to be willing to go into the cave of the heart, is the hero/heroine’s journey. All that is required is willingness, sincerity, an open heart and a deep longing to come Home.
Resistance is futile. Surrender is the invitation.
in Love, ever deepening